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The Movie In My Mind

Title: The Movie In My Mind
Characters: Shannon, Sayid, Boone, Sabrina Carlyle, Adam Rutherford, Philippe and Dominique (the couple she was au pair for).
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Only if you haven't seen Abandoned.
Pairing: Shannon/Sayid
Summary: For lostfichallenge #98 - happiness. Shannon imagines a future that could have been if her father hadn't died - but once she's with Sayid, she knows what happiness really is and doesn't need the movie in her mind any more.

“Are you sure you have everything you need, Shannon?” Adam Rutherford asked as he dragged Shannon’s suitcase downstairs. “You don’t want anything else? The kitchen sink, perhaps?”

Boone lifted the suitcase into the trunk of Adam’s SUV. “Trust me,” he groaned, “she already packed it.”

Shannon swatted Boone playfully on the arm. “Shut up, bonehead.”

Sabrina’s lips thinned as she watched. “Shouldn’t you be making your way to the airport now? You don’t want to be late for check-in.”

“Relax, Sabrina.” Adam shrugged. “We have plenty of time yet.”

Sabrina frowned, but Shannon barely even noticed. Sabrina’s barbed comments didn’t matter to her today, not now that Shannon was finally getting away from Sabrina, leaving for New York to start her internship. She still couldn’t believe she’d actually got it. It had been something like a one in six thousand chance, and they’d given it to her.

“Too bad you two won’t be in New York at the same time,” Adam continued. “But I guess your mother’s job offer was too good to resist.”

As Boone nodded, Shannon risked another glance at Sabrina. Shannon had always suspected how Boone felt about her. She didn’t think her father had the least idea, but she had been starting to wonder if Sabrina knew, and if that had been the reason Sabrina had pushed Boone to take the wedding company job.

Still, she had to admit that in some ways it would be easier for her to live her own life in New York if Boone wasn’t there, easier for her to meet new people without him constantly hanging around.

Sabrina looked at her watch ostentatiously. “Okay, I really think it’s time you were heading for the airport now.”

Then Shannon was hugging Boone, and accepting an air-kiss on each cheek from Sabrina, who had been holding her at arm’s length so as not to rumple her suit, before climbing into the passenger seat beside Adam, ready to begin the journey to New York. She didn’t look back at her old family home as they made their way towards the airport, the internship, her future.

Shannon had imagined so many times how things could have been, especially during those first few weeks in France when Laurent made her put the fish video on for the fifteenth time, when Sophie wouldn’t behave, when Dominique glared suspiciously at Shannon as she watched Philippe giving her the once-over again. Nora’s incredulous reaction when she’d found out Shannon was taking the au pair job still rang in her ears: “Are you kidding? You know what a perv he is. Have you never wondered what really happened to Mademoiselle Lisa?”

Yes, she had wondered about that. And she also remembered Boone’s comments about how she wasn’t cut out for taking care of kids. But she’d had to show them. Sabrina had said that Shannon needed to stand on her own two feet, and Boone had firstly seemed to think she’d never get the internship, then implied that she wouldn’t be much good at this job either. She’d show them both.

When the affair with Philippe began, Shannon wasn’t sure that he’d meant a word of his promises that he would leave Dominique. But at the time, she’d had mixed feelings about whether or not she wanted him to. Okay, she’d be able to lead the lifestyle she’d always dreamed of. But she’d always had a picture in her head of the kind of man she wanted to be with, and it wasn’t Philippe. Sometimes, the nights she was in bed with Philippe, Shannon would imagine that it was the man from her childhood dreams who was there with her instead, someone who loved her and only her. And when Dominique eventually found out, and threw Shannon out of the house (which, it turned out, had also been the fate of Mademoiselle Lisa), she still used her dreams to get her through the days.

Life went on, but the movie in Shannon’s mind remained the same. Relationships came and relationships went; relationships which Shannon always knew were destined to have a limited shelf life, with men she knew she would never see again once Boone had paid up. She didn’t care, and she knew they didn’t either; they were in it for the money, and Shannon knew that even if circumstances had been different, the relationships probably wouldn’t have lasted anyway.

She’d taken her share of the money each time, dreamed of all the things she’d buy with it and smiled to herself at the thought that she was finally getting one over on Sabrina. And she tried to convince herself that this was making her happy. Sometimes, she even believed it.

Shannon had never expected to fall in love with someone like Sayid. And if they hadn’t crashed on Craphole Island, she knew that they would have never spoken to each other.

Sayid was nothing like the man from her fantasies that had kept her going throughout her time pulling the cons on Boone. But since her time with him, Shannon had realised that she didn’t need them any more. Because as happy as they had made her at the time, they could never match up to reality.

The gestures, like the surprise picnic at that beach, that was the kind of thing that the man in her fantasies would have done. But who but Sayid would have gone to the trouble of creating the new shelter for her? Would the man from her fantasies ever have understood how difficult it was for Shannon to sleep in the same tent she’d shared with her brother, how she’d lie awake at night listening for the sound of his breathing and then realise she’d never hear it again? And would he also have sat with her in the hatch when she was meant to be doing stupid button duty, understanding that she hated the hatch because Boone and Locke’s fixation with it had eventually led to Boone’s death?

Shannon didn’t need the movie in her mind any more. For the first time, she knew what a proper relationship was. Sayid made her feel that she was worth something after all.

And for the first time since her father’s death, Shannon understood what happiness was.


( 6 comments — Leave a comment )
Oct. 29th, 2009 01:45 am (UTC)
Yay! My OTP! This was a fantastic look at Shannon, and those years as an au pair. What I love so much about this fic is how you hint at little everyday details: Shannon putting in the dvd, Laurent's wife, button duty and what Shannon may have thought about it. Those little things make this so wonderfully real. And the ending is just so lovely and true and wonderful and... sigh. This was great.
Oct. 29th, 2009 10:13 pm (UTC)
I'm convinced that's how Shannon felt about the hatch - she's one of the few characters who were never seen there, and I'm sure that's why! Glad you liked this (I thought you would actually, since I knew this was your OTP!)
Oct. 29th, 2009 07:58 pm (UTC)
This is a great backstory for Shannon, and you've got into her head really well!
Oct. 29th, 2009 10:16 pm (UTC)
Thank you! PLeased you liked this!
Oct. 29th, 2009 11:20 pm (UTC)
Great Shannon story, and so sad, knowing whats coming in the future.
Oct. 30th, 2009 12:14 am (UTC)
Thank you! I was purposely trying to ignore what was coming in the future with this one, glad you liked anyway!
( 6 comments — Leave a comment )


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